I dream of being with you forever

I never given much thought to how I would die...



... but dying in the place of someone I love, seems like a good way to go.

But regret strikes me since that day...
I thought he was the man of my dreams. He is the man of my dreams. Together the world was right and he was mine. I was loved like never before and had never experienced. While as living beings we were flawed, I still believed him to be the man who would run the race of life with me and push me in my dreams and aspirations. He made me smile, laugh, and take a simpler view of life. Life seemed to move slowly yet also went by like a freight train, it was bliss. But whether suddenly or over the slow creep of time I lost this man.
While we were still together the man of my dreams was lost to me. A wall appeared, and no matter how hard I looked around, tried to tear it down, tried to look over, or look through, this wall blocked me from him. As the time went on my love did not fade but I faded to the point where I felt I had lost myself, because the man of my dreams had faded from my sight. He was there by my side but I could not reach him. Eventually we were done and separated, for my part this was not due to lack of love, he had my heart. And within a few painful weeks the man of my dreams was back in the arms of other woman. The little piece of my heart that had survived was torn. The man of my dreams had never had anything special with me. I apparently had been a time killer. How could I have gotten it so wrong? I now drive reaching for his hand, I cry leaning waiting for his shoulder to reappear, and look behind me to see if he is there. I miss the quirky antics, the phone always ringing.
But he is gone. I've been told that in time the pain and anger leave but now between my heart, head, and the world, I can't believe its true. They all have three different stories and I don't know in which to believe, because I feel in my heart that I've lost the man of my dreams. I feel cold towards the world and life, and cold things can't love.
I stare gazelessly across the wide open plains and wonder what I missed or how I should have done something differently. Yet, I allow no one close to me. My life choices were my own, and yet somehow I can't understand the tragedies of life. But still...he left me. Whether it was by word or deed, HE left me.

But I can't bring myself to regret the decision to leave, that decision brought me face to face with him again.
I was wrong, he did love me, he was only trying to protect me.

... I love you.